There are times you get to arrange things to fit you perfectly, like in your car:
- Driver’s seat at the right distance from the wheel
- mirrors angled for you
- temperature setting and vents pointed where you want them
- the right podcast and volume
You can tell when someone’s borrowed your car, and it only takes a few seconds to move everything back where you want it.
With the holidays coming up: it’s not as easy to control all the variables. We share a meal with people who see the world differently:
- Political views
- What’s appropriate dinner conversation
- What they think about your life
- Covid views
- Who helps clean up
- Personal space
Your emotional system can get hooked into a stress response, making you want to escape to your couch and Netflix.
Would you like to experience something different this year?
How can you stay regulated with all these people-variables?
For better holiday gatherings, first figure out which part of your emotional brain has been running the show:
The Reactor: You’re pinballed around by intense feelings, and often on guard. You don’t feel certain that you can handle how your emotional system will react. There’s rigidity about how life needs to go so you feel okay. You take offense, take things personally. Things are black or white, polarized. Emotions last, like a record skipping.
The Responder: You are aware of and can feel your emotions without getting lost in a story about them. Even when they’re uncomfortable, you have the experience that it’s okay to feel emotions. You don’t get highjacked by negative emotions or depleted chasing after positive ones. Emotions are fuel to stay engaged with life and take action; they’re valuable, but not in charge.
These questions can hold a mirror so you can see your typical patterns:
- What’s it like for you when things don’t go as planned?
- How easily do you take action?
- Is it hard to let go of a story when you feel offended?
- Are your emotions often out of proportion with the situation?
- When you must make a sudden change, what emotions do you repeatedly rely on?
- Do you ever feel angst before a change in your environment happens?
To put your Responder more in charge, here are a few practices I like:
- Each time you feel an intense emotion, notice the changes you feel in your body (heart rate, breathing, neck and shoulders, stomach).
- Stage 2 SRI: Breath training to keep your power around things that normally trigger you
- Healthy Minds meditation for the holidays
- (And of course…) NetworkSpinal chiropractic, which can help you relax, let go, and breathe easier no matter what’s going on around you
Emotional regulation works best if you practice over time: you can’t cram for it like a college exam. When you have a healthy Responder, you can handle and enjoy change and surprise. You’re ok around people you don’t agree with, and go with the flow more easily. Best of all, you can feel safe and regulated when you feel the physical manifestation of difficult emotions – they are no longer in charge! We need more people like this around, and we need to become these people.
Wouldn’t it be great if at the end of your holiday event, getting back to your couch and Netflix series was something you looked forward to in a pleasant and relaxed way, instead of desperate to escape there?
Hope this helps you enjoy your holidays a little bit more.
Stay healthy,
Dr. Laura